


What I Never Knew I Always Wanted

by unitchiefprentiss



Series: To Build a Home [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitchiefprentiss/pseuds/unitchiefprentiss
Summary: Just Emily's anxiety convincing her that she's dying, when she's just pregnant <3
Relationships: Andrew Mendoza/Emily Prentiss
Series: To Build a Home [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653055
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	What I Never Knew I Always Wanted

**July/August 2020**

For the seventh morning in a row, Emily wakes not to her alarm, but to the overwhelming wave of nausea that sends her bolting into the bathroom. 

At first, she wasn’t worried. She assumed she’d eaten something bad or even caught a bug. But now, as she brushes her teeth she wonders if it’s something more. The nausea is quite constant, though it’s the worst right when she wakes up. She can usually hold food down later in the afternoon, but even then she’s left with a general feeling she can only describe as “yuck.” 

She jumps when Andrew comes up behind her, gently wrapping his arms around her middle. 

“Still feeling sick?” He asks. 

Emily nods, spitting out the toothpaste and leaning back into him. 

“I know you hate doctors...” he starts. 

Emily shakes her head. “No, no. Not yet. Give me another day.” She says. 

“I just hate seeing you like this.” Andrew sighs. 

She had just moved in with him; they found a lovely house in Colorado, with a big yard. Something Emily had never really wanted for herself, but something about being with Andrew made her want to settle down. She now saw the appeal of the big house and the yard. 

“I already feel better today than yesterday.” Emily argues. 

Andrew gives her a look. 

“I do!” She promises. Not a real lie, but not the whole truth. She feels about the same: lousy, exhausted, drained. 

She hasn’t accepted a job out here yet, nothing really calls to her and she wants to find the right fit. So, Andrew heads off to work and Emily hangs around at home. She doesn’t love it, but she’s not as miserable as she thought she’d be. However, all the time alone gives her a lot more time to think. 

She thinks about how she’s feeling, and wonders if something is really wrong with her. 

She’s finally very happy; and truthfully she’s been waiting for that other shoe to drop. 

A health crisis would certainly fit the criteria. 

Although she shouldn’t, she googles her symptoms. She gets what anyone who googled vague symptoms would expect: anything ranging from nothing, to cancer, to death. She sighs and closes her laptop. If she’s dying, does she want to know? Should she let Andrew know? Of course she should, she thinks. Of course! 

But as happy as she is, she knows he’s even happier. He looks at her like she is the only other person in the whole world. Something happening to her would destroy him. 

And Keely, too. Emily had been so nervous to meet the girl. Her mind has always jumped to worst case scenario and she had been so scared to get to know the girl only for her and Andrew to break up. But now, she couldn’t imagine her life without Keely. She only lives with them part time, so the days she does spend with them are even more special. 

She doesn’t want to break their hearts by something happening to her. 

She spends the day cleaning, needing something to do with her hands to combat her anxiety. By 2, the house is immaculately clean and she has moved on to reorganizing her shoe closet. (Yes, closet.) 

She sighs and bites her lip as she has to take a break to ward off another intense wave of nausea. There is one other possibility for this nausea... she thinks. But she shakes her head. 

Before she had moved here, right after Andrew had moved, she thought she was pregnant. She wasn’t. She was just late. Her doctor said pregnancy was always possible before menopause, but she shouldn’t get her hopes up. 

A baby has been something they’ve discussed. They’re both very up to it, but nothing concrete has ever been planned. Emily would be very happy either way; she already has more of a family than she ever expected to have. She wards off the nauseous feeling and heads back down to the kitchen, hoping some dry toast will calm her stomach. 

As quickly as the idea of having a baby enters her mind, it’s gone again once she considers other, much more terrifying, reasons why she feels so horrible all the time. 

However, another week passes. 

She manages to convince Andrew she feels better. Once she’s alone at home again, she tries to remember the last time she had a period. She can’t remember. Surely she’d had it last month, right? No, that’s right, she didn’t. Well, definitely the month before. Right? She can’t recall, and that fleeting butterfly of hope flutters in her stomach again. 

She’s nervous, for many reasons. She’s already experienced the disappointment of thinking she’s pregnant to realize she isn’t once; she doesn’t want to do that again. She also doesn’t want to consider what else could be wrong if its not that… 

It becomes too much for her to think about, so she logs it away at the back of her mind for another week. She still feels generally shitty, but it’s nothing she can’t handle, she tells herself. 

It’s almost the end of July—nearly three weeks of feeling like pure garbage, before Emily heads to the pharmacy one day to buy a pregnancy test. She’s exhausted, and she’s so tired of throwing up. 

She’d been able to keep the extent of that from Andrew. Though, he’s growing suspicious and she knows she can’t keep this hidden from him forever. She wants to take it as soon as she gets home, but something stops her. 

For most of her life, she’s been alone. She’s preferred it that way; at least she thought that before she met Andrew. 

Her childhood had been lonely. She didn’t have siblings, she rarely saw any extended family. When she was very young, she at least had various nannies around to keep her entertained. Once she and her mom got back from Italy, Emily decided it would just be easier to keep to herself. So that’s what she did. It wasn’t until she got to the BAU that she finally allowed herself to get close to anyone again. 

But now, she has someone who actually wants to be with her, to experience life with her. She knows that he wont be upset if she takes this test without him there, but that he will be supportive and gladly wait with her while she waits for the results. 

So, she waits. 

After he gets home, and after they’ve had dinner, Emily finally brings up the subject with him. They’re just finishing up loading the dishwasher when she starts to bite her fingernails. 

“What’s wrong?” Andrew asks. 

“Nothing.” Emily says quickly, defensively. “At least… at least I hope not.” She says. 

At an instant, Andrew is there by her side. “What’s going on?” 

She bites her lip. “I’ve been… kind of keeping things from you. I- I haven’t really been feeling well now for like… three weeks, maybe?” She says. 

She expects him to look mad, but he doesn’t. His expression softens. 

“You mean you’ve been feeling bad this whole time? I wish you’d told me.” He says, instinctively placing the back of his hand on her forehead to check for fever. She smiles softly. 

“I’ve just been pretty nauseated constantly. I thought, you know, maybe I just caught something, or I don’t know, ate something bad. And some days are much better than others, but it’s not going away. And I haven’t been dealing with it because I-I’m afraid.” Emily confides. She cant make eye contact, she looks everywhere but in his eyes. 

He doesn’t say anything, he just guides her over to the couch and sits her down, sitting next to her. 

“Well, whatever it is, Emily, we’ll get through it.” He promises. She tears up a little, wondering how she got this lucky, but she forces them back. 

“I have… kind of an idea.” Emily says. 

“Oh?” Andrew says. 

“I know we haven’t been trying yet, but we also haven’t been not trying, either.” She starts. 

“You think you’re-“ He starts, but she cuts him off, shaking her head. 

“I … I don’t want to say it yet. I have a test, I just didn’t want to be alone… while I waited.” Emily says. 

“Of course I’ll wait with you, I’ll always wait with you.” Andrew tells her, pulling her close. She allows herself to feel safe there for a little while. 

She gets up and grabs the test, and then she leaves it on the counter and sets a timer on her phone. When it goes off, she instinctively reaches for Andrew’s hand. He squeezes it reassuringly, letting her know that there is no rush, to take her time, and that no matter what, he will be right there with her for whatever comes next. They get up from their spot on the couch and walk hand in hand to the bathroom where the test sits, just where Emily left it. 

“Do you wanna look, or do you want me to?” Andrew asks. 

“I will.” Emily says. She walks over closer to the counter and looks. Clear as day, there are two lines. 

She’s not sure whether to laugh or cry, and the sound that comes out of her mouth is somewhere in between. 

Andrew is by her side in an instant, wrapping her up in his arms. He sees the test, and he can’t help but smile. 

“I thought I was dying!” Emily exclaims from where her face is buried in the crook of Andrew’s neck. 

He suppresses the urge to laugh. He can make fun of her for that later. 

“You’re… this is good, right?” Andrew asks. 

Emily pulls away and looks at him like he is the dumbest person on the planet. 

“Of course this is good!” She says. “I just… I know we weren’t really ready yet. And I honestly wasn’t convinced it was still a possibility … and its still super early, so I don’t want to say anything yet. I should make an appointment…” 

“Whoa, whoa.” Andrew says, placing a hand on each of her shoulders. “It’s okay, Emily. One step at a time, yeah? We can schedule you an appointment in the morning, and worry about whatever it is your pretty little head is worrying about later.” He says. “But tonight, I think we should celebrate.” He says, an eyebrow raised. 

“I think celebrating is what got us into this position in the first place.” Emily mumbles jokingly. 

To say that she is terrified is an understatement. Having a baby was something Emily had never really thought about, not seriously. The idea of raising a child had always been appealing to her. The cases they dealt with that left kids without somewhere to call home always tugged at her heart strings. 

But it had been fear that kept her from fully committing. Fear of not doing a good job, fear of becoming her mother, fear of putting her job before her child. 

But now, she has someone to raise a child with, someone she knows won’t leave. Someone that, even if, God forbid, they broke up, would still be a wonderful co parent. 

While she is absolutely terrified, she is also excited. Andrew picks her up and carries her, honeymoon style, up to their bedroom. For the night, she shoves that fear down and allows herself to be happy.


End file.
